As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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