my being single is dangerous.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
