you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
