he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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