hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
