oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
