my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
