i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
