PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
