Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
