i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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