D3 body, D1 cock
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
