Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
