You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
