i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
