We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
