I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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