She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
