I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Life is so much better after having sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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