Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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