just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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