I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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