he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
