Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
