you didnt know i had herpes?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
