I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
