Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
