i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
