i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
