You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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