If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
