So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
