forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
