take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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