they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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