So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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