My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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