the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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