im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
