He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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