If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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