Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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