I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
