it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
