a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
