There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
