i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
