Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
