Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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