If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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