I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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