This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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