Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
