So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
