I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pants are for mortals
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
