Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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