My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
