Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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