good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
