White coat. Heels.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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