2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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