No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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