Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
