A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
