tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
