So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
